“Destiny, can I get you something to drink?”
“Yes, Thank you!! I’ll have a sprite”
“No I mean like a DRINK girl! I got cabernet, merlot, chardonnay. You just let me know.”
“Haa! Thank you! I’ll just take a sprite. I actually don’t drink”
Insert those meme like looks, questions and concerns and side eyes, lotssss of side eyes! For whatever reason people feel really bad about having a glass of wine or cocktail in front of you after you tell them you don’t drink. Or they pronounce how they must have a drink EVERY.SINGLE.DAY and can’t imagine life without one. Or how they haven’t had a drink in 90 days and tonight is the night. Sometimes I get just a simple “WOW, you’re so brave.” Or the classic jump back along with a…” REALLLLLLLY?!?!” I just sit there and take it all in each time. Wondering…are they trying to shame me or is this choice really making them uncomfortable?
BUTTTTTTTTT…I mean I get it. I have the same feelings when I’m excited about a dessert!
If a friend and I are sharing a meal and their all like ” No, I’m good” I immediately don’t want that dessert and feel like a glutton! I feel like they are judging me and thinking,
“Sugar is poison! How could you eat that junk?!?”
I mean obviously eating dessert with a friend is better than eating one alone! Now if I truly didn’t have an issue eating and consuming desserts then I probably wouldn’t even give it a second thought. Hello chocolate cake!! But if I did have an issue, their decision might make me question my decision. It might make me reflect about my own choices. I might feel convicted to change. But that has nothing to do with my friend right? Right.
But here’s the thing. I’m not trying to make you feel bad or to shame you by not drinking. Or because I was an alcoholic. Or because I’m pregnant. I certainly don’t think drinking is a sin. I’m not trying to kill your vibe or spoil your fun. I’m not trying to send you a silent message or preach! I’m not strange. Or wierd. Or judgemental. Or a threat.
The reason I don’t drink is because I don’t want to! It’s really that simple. I don’t like brussels sprouts. I don’t like squid. I don’t like cats. I don’t like when people stand too close to me in the checkout line ( BACK UP!!!) I don’t like raisins. I don’t like sushi ( well some sushi) and I don’t like alcohol. I don’t think I’m going to get a special reward when I go to heaven. I don’t crave it or wish to have it, so it’s not a temptation for me like other things are( hello desserts!!) . I do however reap the benefits like great skin and never dealing with hangovers! ha!
BUT have you ever even had a drink? Yes and No.
I had a taste and by that I mean literally my tongue touched a bottle and I didn’t actually have a drink. I think at that moment I was like um no. So I never had a “taste” again. I’ve never had an actual alcoholic drink in my life. So my college days looked a little different than most. (Hello DD!) I also use white wine in my cooking from time to time so I’m not sure. Does that make me a drinker? ha! I have a cabinet full of all the glasses because I love a good mocktail and well my friends drink! haha!
You must be so boring then.
I think this is the biggest misconception about non-drinkers. People who don’t drink are no fun and uptight. I think if you’ve ever had dinner with Reggie and I ( Reggie doesn’t drink either) then you know that is far far far from the truth. We are tons of fun, if I do say so myself! We don’t need a drink to relax us, open us up or to let our hair down. It’s just that way naturally! haha! We can TURN UP with the best of them!!! I’m mean just ask our friends about Pastor Hood and the forever hilarious story about my chinchilla robe circa Christmas 2003. All transpired with no alcohol involved. If we get together, we gonna have a good time. BET!
Are you sure it’s not about your religion?
Most people think if you don’t drink it’s because of some type of religious reason. But again not true. I LOVE me some Jesus and although I never received a burning bush message from God saying “Stay away from alcohol or you will surely die” lol
I do however think it’s just the way he made me. An alcohol free, Destiny. lol!
If you’re familiar with the bible at all you know that Jesus turned water into wine! I mean come on! Wine is used positively in so many biblical references. But just like anything else, the bible lets us know that abusing alcohol (becoming drunk) is something that God does not like. Alcohol, coupled with self-control and moderation isn’t bad.
What should I do if I see a friend not drinking?
I personally think you don’t need to do or say anything!!! I promise the choice has very little to do with you! Not drinking is a choice. Drinking is a choice. People make choices everyday. I can only speak for myself but when I’m at a party with people drinking, I’m still trying to do the same thing as everyone else. Share my day, a story, talk about my kids, my job, the newest reality TV drama… So don’t shame your non-drinking friends especially in front of others. Make them a mocktail instead! If an appropriate time comes during the evening and you really want to know or you’re concerned, just ask!
But remember to be sensitive. Is this more about comforting THEM or you? Maybe someone in their family died because of a drunk driver. Maybe their parents were alcoholics. Maybe their in recovery.What I’m saying is make sure your heart is in the right spot. I can always tell when someone truly wants to know because they care. Or because they’re just trying to be a jerk about it.
Should you bring alcohol to your non-drinking friends home?
This is a big question I get all the time. I don’t drink but my friends do. So I don’t mind if they bring a bottle of wine to share. But what I do care about is if they decide to have TOO much to drink and act foolish. I’m not about babysitting my guests and I would hope that most of my guests would think ” This is probably not the best setting to get drunk in” but it has happened! Alcohol has been known to impair judgement. So when it does, I just have to draw lines. But every person is different, so just ask if you’re unsure and be responsible if you do end up drinking!
What do you order at the bar?
Well I never really find myself at the bar…haahhaa! But sometimes I just want to feel fancy and if I’m trying to avoid the, why don’t you drink conversation with the slightly tipsy friend of a friend, then I order these….
- During the summer I always order a Virgin Strawberry Pina Colada with Pineapple Garnish
- A club soda with a splash of grapefruit and a lime garnish!
- Raspberry Mint Limeade
- Shirley Temple
- Roy Rogers
- Bartender Creation ( ask the bartender to make something for you! This is always fun!)